I've been away a long while. I'm going to try to do this again. At least once a month. Happy 2013

The Wedding Singer

Hey y'all. If you are in New Jersey and you like The Wedding Singer, come catch me - Michael Kelly - as George at the Broadway Theatre in Pitman. We run until August 7 and the reviews and feedback so far have been astronomical! Below are some pics from the first weekend!

aren't you an american icon? yes teresa, i am.

so i started a new job today that required me to jet-set down to hot-lanta, ga for a seminar. it was a good time. my new co-workers seem really down to earth and easy to work with. then on the way home on the concourse of ATL i happened to see teresa scanlan, miss america 2011 approaching from about 100 feet. as a huge miss america fan i decided to keep my cool and just say hi so that i could get a photo with her, see below.


unfortunately the 12 year old girl who lives within me had other plans and she started using my body to scream "oh my god, you're miss america, hi teresa! i love your work!" as though she were justin beiber. i may have peed a little.
the good news, she was incredibly nice and flattered that i was so excited to see her and recognized her in the crowd. bad news, i am fairly certain i will eat lunch alone for at least the first year i spend at this office.
totally worth it.

So Excited!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!
Best of Luck Tamara!!!!

life and death in hollywood

its justin biebers 17th birthday and he is celebrating with a new haircut. that's right he is retiring the lesbieber. well, maybe he's just a new kind of lesbieber. you be the judge below:
old hair:

new hair:

Either way, i'm sure the los angeles branch of chuck e. cheese's will be happy to welcome j. biebs and his rugrat crew.

in other news, hollywood lost a legend last night. jane russell died at age 89 in her home. i imagine she and marilyn monroe met up again in heaven and will be doing a performance of "two little girls from little rock" tonight in heaven's cloud nine lounge.

rest in peace, jane.

little golden men and red rugs

ok, so the oscars were last night and i agreed with all the awards. the rundown of the major awards is as follows:
best pic and best director went to the king's speech.
best lead actor/ actress: colin firth, the king's speech/natalie portman, black swan
supporting actor/ actress: christian bale, the fighter/ melissa leo, the fighter
the actual show - anne hathaway was stellar, but it didn't matter because james franco sucked. anne should have hosted on her own. i said it on facebook and i'll say it here, hollywood needs to greenlight this project - thoroughly modern millie the movie starring anne hathaway as millie dilmount and justin timberlake as jimmy smith. go!

now on with the good stuff, the fashion. first i'll talk about the men. russell brand was great. i wish his hair was a little less greasy, but this is how you do different. christian bale on the other hand, was still wearing his SAG award suit. it was terrible then and its terrible now.

Best dressed man to me was a tie between jude law and justin timberlake. simple, classic, elegant. bravo, gentlemen.

that being said, let's talk turkey - gowns. there were lots of great things to talk about. some for good reasons, some for bad. lots of surprises - hold onto your wigs and keys, kids. here it comes!
I loved, loved, loved cate blanchett's artful gown. it was totally high-art fashion. the craftsmanship involved in this gown is unbelievable. it is edwardian grace mixed with samurai strength. not a dress for the pageant set, but beautiful nonetheless!

hilary swank and halle berry both ran backstage at miss usa, grabbed a dress, and showed up on the red carpet. trust me, you will see replicas of these two dresses on every pageant stage for the next three years at least.

when she first walked onstage i thought scarlett johansson's gown was incredible. but then upon seeing it closer, i realized the back is great, the front needs some tweaking, and it was just a bit too snug. makeup - flawless, hair, a little frizzy, even for the tousled look.

my first runner up for worst dressed woman breaks my heart because she is one of my favorite actresses. but why did annette bening show up dressed like chicago's smurfit-stone building of adventures in babysitting fame? ugh.

worst dressed winner hands down is melissa leo in the gold and white foil wallpaper she peeled off the wall of elton john's guest bathroom - seriously, wtf? but what hurts even worse, because i love them so much, is reese witherspoon and amy adams. they are polar opposites of too much and not enough. reese in a black strapless with white banded neckline and poofy brigitte bardeaux hair looks like she just gave the maid of honor toast at her best friend's wedding and grabbed a cab in time to get to the oscars. reese, next time, make sure your hairpiece matches your hair. if there was ever an appropriate time for an emoticon on this blog, it is now :-( . on the other end of the spectrum was amy adams - too much. now her gown is gorgeous. but a fully spangled high-neck, cap-sleeved midnight blue gown is already a big statement. that means tone everything else down, minimal jewels (perhaps stud earrings and a cocktail ring) and a sleek ponytail would have been perfect.

my best dressed pic will shock you. runners up were mila kunis who floated down the red carpet in a lavender lace and chiffon frock that was daring but tasteful with soft hair and dewy makeup. nice. next was the totally adorable 14 year old best supporting actress nom, hailee steinfeld in a sweet pink confection of a ball dress which she helped design reminiscent of a young audrey hepburn topped by a fred leighton diamond headband. priceless. and in a shocking turn of events - because i hate her like poison - my best dressed winner is celine dion. her heart was still going on in a sleek, modern, platinum, metallic and pearlized column gown with a dazzling pendant necklace (le cor de la mar?) balanced by soft loose curls. as much as i want to tie celine to a post and light her on fire (blame canada), she really did look the best. and i have to give her mad props because she did have twins 4 months ago and her body looks real good.

but seriously, thoroughly modern millie starring anne and jt would be unreal!

i'd like to thank the academy

so the oscars are tomorrow night. i have to admit, i haven't seen much of anything that is nominated. but i still love oscar night. i love the red carpet even more. but the best part is the fashion wrap up on monday with Wayland and Madame gays and Joan Rivers. i will be at the theatre during the actual telecast. thank buddah for dvr!

i'm back, bitches

hey y'all. it's been a super long time since i've blogged. get over it. i was blogstapated. actually, there was lots of stuff i wanted to write about but i was too lazy to do it because i am the lazy internet equivalent of this guy:


anyway, since i last left you i held my annual miss america prelim pageant. my winners are both awesome. my teen winner was first runner up at states (awesome).
oh, and my dog is gonna be a star. she has been cast as 'Ming Toy' in Heaven Can Wait. here is her head shot.

woof.

don't hate me because you hate you

ok, let's not beat around the bush. i have been an absentee blogger for almost a month. it was a very busy month. my apologies. but this post should make up for it.
yesterday i was going to have a cheeseburger and french fries from five guys. if you've never been, i pitty your tastebuds for not knowing what love is. the burgers and fries there are delicious in a way that makes me question the legality of the ingredients. showing here:

but once i drove up something kept me from going in and ordering this tasty meal. all of the customers bustling about the premises were obese. i don't mean heavy. i mean full-on two-ton-tessies. seeing this was all the motivation i needed to make the decision to eat something better for me. i mean wouldn't this deter you?

later, i changed my facebook status to read " i was gonna get a burger from five guys. then i saw how fat all the customers were. i decided to have a salad."
let the complaints begin. i got status comments and messages from people telling me that they were offended by my new status. i should make the disclaimer that all of these complaints came from people of an advanced size. here is where my problem begins: i never said "i hate fatties" or something that offensive. i noted that the people eating at five guys were all fat and that i decided to make a health-conscious dietary decision based on this observation. i face this kind of attitude from fat people all the time because i am thin. well i want to say something to the fat people who have this attitude with me. i am not this thin just because i'm thin. i have to work at maintaining a healthy weight. there are plenty of times when i don't eat something i really want to taste because i know it is not healthy. also, i exercise. i burn off the unnecessary calories that i ingest. my age may be 30, but my waist is still 29 because i work to keep it that way. and for the record, i have been overweight before. when i was 19 i was wearing a size 38 waist pant. but you know what? i decided to make a change and i lost nearly 75 pounds. so don't tell me how hard it is to lose weight. i've done it. and you know what? it is harder to keep it off. i know it isn't easy, but if you really want to do it, it can be done.
so the moral of the story is if you get offended or feel personally attacked because i note in my facebook status that seeing fat people eating unhealthy food made me decide to eat a salad, then you need to stop blaming me and take responsibility for why you are offended by the word fat. if you don't want to feel bad about yourself when the word fat is used, make a change in your life for the better so you don't fall into the category of being a fat person and stop blaming thin people for your pain. it is a lot harder for us to stay thin than it was for you to get fat.
i also want to note that quite a few people clicked the 'like' button on my status and all of these were people who are pro-active about health and diet and exercise.

auf wiedersehen

So its time. its just got to be said. week after week i watch project runway hoping the gods of fashion and justice will finally shine down upon the masses and remove the two cancers of evil of backstab-ery from the show. who do i reference with these words? lets start with ivy.

i can't stand this bittie for many reasons. first, she is just annoying in her persona. she is catty and everything she says is drawn out because she stretches her syllables like a high school bimbo. also, nothing she 'designs' is attractive, flattering to the body, innovative, nor wearable. in addition she loves to toot her own horn about how she is so skilled as a seamstress. but i have yet to be impressed with her technical work as well. and she is never at a loss for words when it comes to cutting on the designs of her co-competitors. not to mention i blame her whole race for hello kitty.
next we have gretchen. screw gretchen.

gretchen takes haughty to a whole new level. this mess hops in front of the camera and judges everyone else at every chance she gets like she is on the judges panel. she makes me sick. she is filled with venom and self-gratuitous over appreciation. and granted she won the first two challenges. but nothing she has done since then warrants her being on the show. and she never shuts up. i mean never. if i were one of her co-competitors, i would be shanking her with broken-off heels from shoes off the piperlime accessory wall.
oh, and by the way gretchen, if you have so much to say about all of your co-competitors, maybe you should lose your ridiculous should-have-been-fixed-in-second-grade-speech-therapy lisp. say it, don't spray it, tool.

cocain and carry-on

dear lindsay lo-class,
its time for me to take time and thank you for all of the entertainment you have provided over the years: the parent trap, georgia rule, mean girls, accidental vagina glimpses as you roll your coked-out mess of an existence out of a car that costs more money than i'll ever know. ya know - the classics.

but it seems i am the bearer of sad, but true news. while you were doing your jail time and 46th stint in rehab hollywood got a little antsy wondering how dependable you will be when making all your 'films.' now, don't worry, they're gonna let you keep your little linda lovelace biopic. but the it seems ... you've been replaced.

meet emma stone. she has taken your place as a functional actress. notice the similarity in appearance. i know its hard to tell because she's not foaming at the mouth, sitting in a puddle of her own sick, and her eyes aren't aimlessly rolling around in her empty head like the little plastic beads on the spokes of my childhood bike. but the cold hard truth is that emma stone is here to stay and she has rendered you unnecessary. anything you can do, she can do sober. catch her new film, easy a in theatres this weekend.

become mine now

public service announcement

"hide ja kids, hide ja wife. and hide ja husbands cos they rapein' errbody out here. you left your tee shirt. you left fenger prints and all. you are so dumb. you are really dumb. for real. you don't have to come and confess. we lookin' for you. we gone find you. now you can run and tell that ... homeboy."



this message brought to you by antoine dodson and the citizens for a better lincoln park projects comission.

while the livin' is still easy.

hey blogcreepers. as we say peace-out to summer, i thought it would be nice to pay it a visual homage. when winter months come and jack frost bitch-slaps you in the face every time you open a door, you can look back on this post and tell that jerk to kiss your summertime booty! enjoy the view.

goodbye, old girl

so as many of you know, this weekend is a way to say "so long, farewell,auf wierdersehen, goodbye" to summer. and how do we do this? we eat. i have eaten so much and its only saturday. the real eating doesn't even start til tomorrow! yesterday i arrived at my bestie aubre's parents house by the beach and the spread was already out and totally yummy. we noshed on that until dinner came out and we continued eating deliciousness for an hour or so at a graze pace. then the dessert came out. i don't know exactly what it was. neither did aubre's mom as she told us " i just got the recipe out of a box." no matter if it came out of a box, a bag, or it appeared in one of those posters you stare at til you see an object like a ship or something jump out of a mess of squiggly lines - it had peanut butter, chocolate, and crushed up oreo as a crust of sorts. it might as well have been crack-cocaine it was so good. after we slid into food comas on the sofas for a bit and listened to aubre's mom chastise a minor of her misuse of proper nouns in the game bananagrams we went to that mecca of sea isle city night life, The OD (The Ocean Drive). needless to say i had to stop at the neighboring wawa for a slushie and a sandwich on the way home. i was too stuffed for breakfast this morning so i just wrecked up some orange juice and got down with lunch on the promenade by the beach we aubre and i met my eldest sister and her beau. we split an order of bread sticks as an appetizer and i sampled a slice of the pizza my sister beau ordered and then devoured my own grilled cheese sandwich. i was on the road for dinner so i'll probably eat something delish and awful for me before bed and rally the tummy troops for the cook-out tomorrow at my dad's. yep, labor day weekend. its that time of year when i eat like a bear about to hibernate. difference is, instead of not eating while i sleep for months and my body sustains life on the fat i have stored, i store the fat but stay awake and continue eating while i suppress the feelings of self-loathing and do countless hours of cardio to loose the weight only to then be faced by the holiday food extravaganza. yay, america!

tossed salads and scrambled eggs

geeze. sometimes i forget how absolutly brilliant the tv show frasier was. niles is one of the best written characters ever brought to life on the small screen. thanks david hyde pierce.

jersey fresh

so i don't really watch the real housewives of new jersey unless i'm with my best friend, aubre, because the show is really not as enjoyable to me as it is to watch aubre watch the show. i mean the show is pretty good, but once you've heard aubre yell back at danielle and tell her what kind of a delusional filthy whore she is, the show on it's own is sort of a let down.
so tonight it was a super treat because not only did i get to watch it with aubre, it was the first episode of the two-part "season reunion" where all those crazy bitties sit down with uber-mo, andy, from talk back live and rehash all of the shenanigans of the past season. the evening was filled with tears, name calling, and animal print. . . and that was just aubre. the "ladies" from the show slung some grade a reality show mud as well.
i sat back with some wheat crackers and brie and a few glasses of chardonnay and watched aubre and the girls get all heated, scream, lie, and lose their mascara. all-in-all it was a good night.

the heart wants what it wants

i am really longing for a bedroom with grey walls and stark white trim. i think it would look awesome with my re-finished black painted wood furniture and my all white bedding with lime and turq accent pillows and i hate that the trim is oak here and cannot be painted.

can't you just see me luxioriating in all this grey and white decadence? i can.

one thing i learned from hollywood

so i get told alot that i look like famous people. the most common are


jude law


joel mchale



jim parsons


ryan seacrest

and what i have learned from these comparisons is:
i must have a giant forehead.

i won an emmy ... sort of.

congratulations to jim parsons from nbc's big bang theory on winning an emmy for his portrayal of sheldon cooper. my stepmother seems to think that we are twins seperated at birth. that we look and sound alike, have matched delivery and mannerisms and are basically the same person. whenever she watches this show she tells me she loves it, that sheldon is her favorite, but thinks i would be better at the part. it makes me laugh. but in some weird way, i feel connected to his emmy win tonight because of this. so, congratulations jim, and me.