auf wiedersehen

So its time. its just got to be said. week after week i watch project runway hoping the gods of fashion and justice will finally shine down upon the masses and remove the two cancers of evil of backstab-ery from the show. who do i reference with these words? lets start with ivy.

i can't stand this bittie for many reasons. first, she is just annoying in her persona. she is catty and everything she says is drawn out because she stretches her syllables like a high school bimbo. also, nothing she 'designs' is attractive, flattering to the body, innovative, nor wearable. in addition she loves to toot her own horn about how she is so skilled as a seamstress. but i have yet to be impressed with her technical work as well. and she is never at a loss for words when it comes to cutting on the designs of her co-competitors. not to mention i blame her whole race for hello kitty.
next we have gretchen. screw gretchen.

gretchen takes haughty to a whole new level. this mess hops in front of the camera and judges everyone else at every chance she gets like she is on the judges panel. she makes me sick. she is filled with venom and self-gratuitous over appreciation. and granted she won the first two challenges. but nothing she has done since then warrants her being on the show. and she never shuts up. i mean never. if i were one of her co-competitors, i would be shanking her with broken-off heels from shoes off the piperlime accessory wall.
oh, and by the way gretchen, if you have so much to say about all of your co-competitors, maybe you should lose your ridiculous should-have-been-fixed-in-second-grade-speech-therapy lisp. say it, don't spray it, tool.

cocain and carry-on

dear lindsay lo-class,
its time for me to take time and thank you for all of the entertainment you have provided over the years: the parent trap, georgia rule, mean girls, accidental vagina glimpses as you roll your coked-out mess of an existence out of a car that costs more money than i'll ever know. ya know - the classics.

but it seems i am the bearer of sad, but true news. while you were doing your jail time and 46th stint in rehab hollywood got a little antsy wondering how dependable you will be when making all your 'films.' now, don't worry, they're gonna let you keep your little linda lovelace biopic. but the it seems ... you've been replaced.

meet emma stone. she has taken your place as a functional actress. notice the similarity in appearance. i know its hard to tell because she's not foaming at the mouth, sitting in a puddle of her own sick, and her eyes aren't aimlessly rolling around in her empty head like the little plastic beads on the spokes of my childhood bike. but the cold hard truth is that emma stone is here to stay and she has rendered you unnecessary. anything you can do, she can do sober. catch her new film, easy a in theatres this weekend.

become mine now

public service announcement

"hide ja kids, hide ja wife. and hide ja husbands cos they rapein' errbody out here. you left your tee shirt. you left fenger prints and all. you are so dumb. you are really dumb. for real. you don't have to come and confess. we lookin' for you. we gone find you. now you can run and tell that ... homeboy."



this message brought to you by antoine dodson and the citizens for a better lincoln park projects comission.

while the livin' is still easy.

hey blogcreepers. as we say peace-out to summer, i thought it would be nice to pay it a visual homage. when winter months come and jack frost bitch-slaps you in the face every time you open a door, you can look back on this post and tell that jerk to kiss your summertime booty! enjoy the view.

goodbye, old girl

so as many of you know, this weekend is a way to say "so long, farewell,auf wierdersehen, goodbye" to summer. and how do we do this? we eat. i have eaten so much and its only saturday. the real eating doesn't even start til tomorrow! yesterday i arrived at my bestie aubre's parents house by the beach and the spread was already out and totally yummy. we noshed on that until dinner came out and we continued eating deliciousness for an hour or so at a graze pace. then the dessert came out. i don't know exactly what it was. neither did aubre's mom as she told us " i just got the recipe out of a box." no matter if it came out of a box, a bag, or it appeared in one of those posters you stare at til you see an object like a ship or something jump out of a mess of squiggly lines - it had peanut butter, chocolate, and crushed up oreo as a crust of sorts. it might as well have been crack-cocaine it was so good. after we slid into food comas on the sofas for a bit and listened to aubre's mom chastise a minor of her misuse of proper nouns in the game bananagrams we went to that mecca of sea isle city night life, The OD (The Ocean Drive). needless to say i had to stop at the neighboring wawa for a slushie and a sandwich on the way home. i was too stuffed for breakfast this morning so i just wrecked up some orange juice and got down with lunch on the promenade by the beach we aubre and i met my eldest sister and her beau. we split an order of bread sticks as an appetizer and i sampled a slice of the pizza my sister beau ordered and then devoured my own grilled cheese sandwich. i was on the road for dinner so i'll probably eat something delish and awful for me before bed and rally the tummy troops for the cook-out tomorrow at my dad's. yep, labor day weekend. its that time of year when i eat like a bear about to hibernate. difference is, instead of not eating while i sleep for months and my body sustains life on the fat i have stored, i store the fat but stay awake and continue eating while i suppress the feelings of self-loathing and do countless hours of cardio to loose the weight only to then be faced by the holiday food extravaganza. yay, america!

tossed salads and scrambled eggs

geeze. sometimes i forget how absolutly brilliant the tv show frasier was. niles is one of the best written characters ever brought to life on the small screen. thanks david hyde pierce.