First entry.

beginning a blog is alot like moving into a new apartment. "how should i decorate? what's the first thing i want to do in my new place?" are thoughts that may run through one's mind in either situation. i'm sort of a no frills kind of blogger. i don't feel the need to clutter up the place with gooey backgrounds of puppies or the beach (both of which are things i enjoy) and this carries over, i suppose, from my clean-lines-style of interior decorating. so you now see how my original simile relates the two in actual practice. following this line of simplistic style, you'll notice i'm not a big fan of capital letters. i don't really know why, i'm just not.
anyhoo, i decided to start keeping a blog for two reasons. first being that my friend aubre's blog posts have brought me so much joy i thought to myself "self," i thought "perhaps you could bring a touch of that same joy to some other nameless, faceless reader." and perhaps you are that nameless, faceless reader. secondly, weird and hysterical stuff happens in my life constantly. and i have a horrible memory, so i'm blogging selfishly as a journal of sorts.

so here is my first offering.
i was at work today. that by the way- work- is a very loosely used term. the summer in the glamorous world of evening gowns is deader than jon and kate gosselin's marriage, so i do alot of nothing. i was at work and decided to go to the chinese food store down the way to grab a beverage to accompany my lunch of two delicious soft pretzels, which are a bit of an obsession of mine. my place of employ has just re-opened after a two week hiatus during the summer dead spell. as i locked the door to head over to said asian cuisine establishment, i was greeted by a voice that sounded like it may have once belonged to a person. this is to say that this female who has smoked away any semblence of a once human existance called out to me from in front of the neighboring beauty supply store and what i can only imagine was her thirty-fifth cigarette break of the day.
this is not the first time i've seen this extraterrestrial carcinogenic lifeform. in fact, i'd sur-named her esther in my head some months back. i chose this name because this fried out troll could not possibly be named something glamorous and etherial like delicia, or even jane. no, she is an esther through and through. esther called out to me as i stood there key in hand just innocently in pursuit of a cool beverage to strip the thirst of this warm summer day, "hey," she cried, "you's guys still opened?" it was obvious to me that esther was no great literary buff by her gutteral use of what once resembled the english language. " 'Cause nobody's been there for like a couple few weeks" she went on. ' a couple few?' i wondered. is that even something the most deplorable of persons would say? "yes, well, we were closed for two weeks because the summer is our slow time" i offered to esther in a hope to include all pertainent information in one fell swoop and end our interaction.
"oh, you's guys ain't busy in the summer, 'cause we go crazy in the beauty supply."
well it was obvious what had be done. in order to get to the chinese restaurant that lay just a mere few yards past esther i needed to avoid eye contact, keep my answer brief and forge ahead. "Nope" i replied hoping to water down my standard 'no' into laymen's terms so she would understand what i meant. with that i brushed past esther and was nearly to the door of my targeted chinese restaurant when she called out once more,"well, if you got nuthin' goin' on in there, maybe i'll stop by and visit, cutie."
the nausea hit instantly. i pretended not to hear, an all but impossible task given she whispered at the volume of a drunken trucker cat-calling women from a rest stop on the interstate.
once inside i paid the young gaysian (gay asian) for a pepsi which he could not help but pronounce as a "pesi," the second p lost somewhere in his accent, and i tried not to vomit on my own feet.
i suppose esther was under the impression i was dining in, because as i mustered up the strength to walk back outside and face my niccotine polluted nemesis, i was saved. she had gone back to the craziness i was earlier informed that was summertime in the beauty supply. i dashed past back to my work, unlocked the door and now here i sit. she promised to visit. the wait begins...