today i ran a few errands with one of my favorite people, my friend and former roommate (sigh) casey. casey is a charmingly free spirit. she also has the best ability to tell and retell a story of anyone who i have ever met. her attention to detail is remarkable, and she can make you feel like you are living the story.
we bagan to talk about unfortunate nick-names people were given in high school. and it occured to us that an alarming number of girls in high school are given a nicknames based on the fact that they once deficated somewhere in a less than desireable situation. i mean sure, there's always the fat kid called chunk, or if his 'friends' are particularly witty maybe they will dub him tiny. and of corse there's the kid who farted on the fourth grade field trip and will always be known as stinky. and let's not the forget the perrenial favorite, pizzaface, the chap with unfortunate acne (casey spins a wonderful tale about the pizzaface at her school and how his hat once ended up in the courtyard during class and he climbed through a window to regain his ensemble's piece-de-resistance).
but it seems the most tarnishing of all nicknames is the girl who gained her pseudonym for pooping. at my high school it was a girl who became known as 'dung' because she ended up drunk and locked in a garage after a dance and made a number two, privately, on the garage floor.
but casey's school has a much better story to accompany the crappy (pun shamelessy intended) nick-name. It seems this girl, who hasn't had a real name since sometime in the winter of 1997, brought it on herself.
the story begins- the wrestlers at casey's school were known for a their pre-meet cheer of sorts (and i assume they were also known for suspected homosexuality, like wrestlers at all high schools). this cheer was a pfierce beating of fists against their own thighs and primal grunting as they formed a circle. the tempo of the beating fists would get faster and the grunts would get louder until all hell and testosterone broke loose and then some clapping would ensue... hoorah!
it seems the wrestling team won a very important, perhaps even championship match. so naturally there was a party to follow in a motel room. as reality ceased to be from the underage consumption of alcohol a young lady stepped to the center of the room. she began to call all of the guests of this celebratory gathering to attention. when all eyes were focused on her, she did her best impression of the wrestlers pre-meet cheer. all were amused. but that wouldn't be enough for this budding starlet, oh no. as the cheer reached it's climax, she decided to take it a step further. it's funny how things seem like a good idea when you're 17 and drunk. this young lady decided to drop trou, as the kids say, and make a poopy right there in the center of the party for all to see.
this would seem to solidify her place in the high school hall of infamy by itself. but no, she was not yet done with her display of joy at the team's success. once she had 'pinched off her loaf' she knew, as we all do, that hygiene requires us all to clean our bottoms. but toilet tissue was not the solution she was looking for. instead, she decided it would be much better to continue her support of the team, and rub her dirty tushy on an upolstered chair in the motel room to 'clean up'.
all were shocked, i'm sure. but the party was nearing it's end. everyone went to sleep, this image etched in their drunken adolescent minds.
when morning broke, the witnesses of the preceeding nights events were sure that this couldn't have been real. it was a misunderstanding through the cheap-beer haze of youth. they checked the floor and there was no mess to be seen. a little feeling of relief came across them as they realized they must have imagined the whole episode. but it was short lived- someone remembered the chair.
it seems a guest of the party was diligent and brave enough to clean up the pile of pooh left on the floor. but there was just no way to get it off the chair. and so the proof was in the pudding, or upholstery in this case. yes it had been real, as evidenced by the feces ground into the chair.
and that is how this young lady garnered the glorious title of "party-pooper" ... folks, i couldn't make this stuff up!
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