don't hate me because you hate you

ok, let's not beat around the bush. i have been an absentee blogger for almost a month. it was a very busy month. my apologies. but this post should make up for it.
yesterday i was going to have a cheeseburger and french fries from five guys. if you've never been, i pitty your tastebuds for not knowing what love is. the burgers and fries there are delicious in a way that makes me question the legality of the ingredients. showing here:

but once i drove up something kept me from going in and ordering this tasty meal. all of the customers bustling about the premises were obese. i don't mean heavy. i mean full-on two-ton-tessies. seeing this was all the motivation i needed to make the decision to eat something better for me. i mean wouldn't this deter you?

later, i changed my facebook status to read " i was gonna get a burger from five guys. then i saw how fat all the customers were. i decided to have a salad."
let the complaints begin. i got status comments and messages from people telling me that they were offended by my new status. i should make the disclaimer that all of these complaints came from people of an advanced size. here is where my problem begins: i never said "i hate fatties" or something that offensive. i noted that the people eating at five guys were all fat and that i decided to make a health-conscious dietary decision based on this observation. i face this kind of attitude from fat people all the time because i am thin. well i want to say something to the fat people who have this attitude with me. i am not this thin just because i'm thin. i have to work at maintaining a healthy weight. there are plenty of times when i don't eat something i really want to taste because i know it is not healthy. also, i exercise. i burn off the unnecessary calories that i ingest. my age may be 30, but my waist is still 29 because i work to keep it that way. and for the record, i have been overweight before. when i was 19 i was wearing a size 38 waist pant. but you know what? i decided to make a change and i lost nearly 75 pounds. so don't tell me how hard it is to lose weight. i've done it. and you know what? it is harder to keep it off. i know it isn't easy, but if you really want to do it, it can be done.
so the moral of the story is if you get offended or feel personally attacked because i note in my facebook status that seeing fat people eating unhealthy food made me decide to eat a salad, then you need to stop blaming me and take responsibility for why you are offended by the word fat. if you don't want to feel bad about yourself when the word fat is used, make a change in your life for the better so you don't fall into the category of being a fat person and stop blaming thin people for your pain. it is a lot harder for us to stay thin than it was for you to get fat.
i also want to note that quite a few people clicked the 'like' button on my status and all of these were people who are pro-active about health and diet and exercise.

auf wiedersehen

So its time. its just got to be said. week after week i watch project runway hoping the gods of fashion and justice will finally shine down upon the masses and remove the two cancers of evil of backstab-ery from the show. who do i reference with these words? lets start with ivy.

i can't stand this bittie for many reasons. first, she is just annoying in her persona. she is catty and everything she says is drawn out because she stretches her syllables like a high school bimbo. also, nothing she 'designs' is attractive, flattering to the body, innovative, nor wearable. in addition she loves to toot her own horn about how she is so skilled as a seamstress. but i have yet to be impressed with her technical work as well. and she is never at a loss for words when it comes to cutting on the designs of her co-competitors. not to mention i blame her whole race for hello kitty.
next we have gretchen. screw gretchen.

gretchen takes haughty to a whole new level. this mess hops in front of the camera and judges everyone else at every chance she gets like she is on the judges panel. she makes me sick. she is filled with venom and self-gratuitous over appreciation. and granted she won the first two challenges. but nothing she has done since then warrants her being on the show. and she never shuts up. i mean never. if i were one of her co-competitors, i would be shanking her with broken-off heels from shoes off the piperlime accessory wall.
oh, and by the way gretchen, if you have so much to say about all of your co-competitors, maybe you should lose your ridiculous should-have-been-fixed-in-second-grade-speech-therapy lisp. say it, don't spray it, tool.

cocain and carry-on

dear lindsay lo-class,
its time for me to take time and thank you for all of the entertainment you have provided over the years: the parent trap, georgia rule, mean girls, accidental vagina glimpses as you roll your coked-out mess of an existence out of a car that costs more money than i'll ever know. ya know - the classics.

but it seems i am the bearer of sad, but true news. while you were doing your jail time and 46th stint in rehab hollywood got a little antsy wondering how dependable you will be when making all your 'films.' now, don't worry, they're gonna let you keep your little linda lovelace biopic. but the it seems ... you've been replaced.

meet emma stone. she has taken your place as a functional actress. notice the similarity in appearance. i know its hard to tell because she's not foaming at the mouth, sitting in a puddle of her own sick, and her eyes aren't aimlessly rolling around in her empty head like the little plastic beads on the spokes of my childhood bike. but the cold hard truth is that emma stone is here to stay and she has rendered you unnecessary. anything you can do, she can do sober. catch her new film, easy a in theatres this weekend.

become mine now

public service announcement

"hide ja kids, hide ja wife. and hide ja husbands cos they rapein' errbody out here. you left your tee shirt. you left fenger prints and all. you are so dumb. you are really dumb. for real. you don't have to come and confess. we lookin' for you. we gone find you. now you can run and tell that ... homeboy."



this message brought to you by antoine dodson and the citizens for a better lincoln park projects comission.

while the livin' is still easy.

hey blogcreepers. as we say peace-out to summer, i thought it would be nice to pay it a visual homage. when winter months come and jack frost bitch-slaps you in the face every time you open a door, you can look back on this post and tell that jerk to kiss your summertime booty! enjoy the view.

goodbye, old girl

so as many of you know, this weekend is a way to say "so long, farewell,auf wierdersehen, goodbye" to summer. and how do we do this? we eat. i have eaten so much and its only saturday. the real eating doesn't even start til tomorrow! yesterday i arrived at my bestie aubre's parents house by the beach and the spread was already out and totally yummy. we noshed on that until dinner came out and we continued eating deliciousness for an hour or so at a graze pace. then the dessert came out. i don't know exactly what it was. neither did aubre's mom as she told us " i just got the recipe out of a box." no matter if it came out of a box, a bag, or it appeared in one of those posters you stare at til you see an object like a ship or something jump out of a mess of squiggly lines - it had peanut butter, chocolate, and crushed up oreo as a crust of sorts. it might as well have been crack-cocaine it was so good. after we slid into food comas on the sofas for a bit and listened to aubre's mom chastise a minor of her misuse of proper nouns in the game bananagrams we went to that mecca of sea isle city night life, The OD (The Ocean Drive). needless to say i had to stop at the neighboring wawa for a slushie and a sandwich on the way home. i was too stuffed for breakfast this morning so i just wrecked up some orange juice and got down with lunch on the promenade by the beach we aubre and i met my eldest sister and her beau. we split an order of bread sticks as an appetizer and i sampled a slice of the pizza my sister beau ordered and then devoured my own grilled cheese sandwich. i was on the road for dinner so i'll probably eat something delish and awful for me before bed and rally the tummy troops for the cook-out tomorrow at my dad's. yep, labor day weekend. its that time of year when i eat like a bear about to hibernate. difference is, instead of not eating while i sleep for months and my body sustains life on the fat i have stored, i store the fat but stay awake and continue eating while i suppress the feelings of self-loathing and do countless hours of cardio to loose the weight only to then be faced by the holiday food extravaganza. yay, america!

tossed salads and scrambled eggs

geeze. sometimes i forget how absolutly brilliant the tv show frasier was. niles is one of the best written characters ever brought to life on the small screen. thanks david hyde pierce.

jersey fresh

so i don't really watch the real housewives of new jersey unless i'm with my best friend, aubre, because the show is really not as enjoyable to me as it is to watch aubre watch the show. i mean the show is pretty good, but once you've heard aubre yell back at danielle and tell her what kind of a delusional filthy whore she is, the show on it's own is sort of a let down.
so tonight it was a super treat because not only did i get to watch it with aubre, it was the first episode of the two-part "season reunion" where all those crazy bitties sit down with uber-mo, andy, from talk back live and rehash all of the shenanigans of the past season. the evening was filled with tears, name calling, and animal print. . . and that was just aubre. the "ladies" from the show slung some grade a reality show mud as well.
i sat back with some wheat crackers and brie and a few glasses of chardonnay and watched aubre and the girls get all heated, scream, lie, and lose their mascara. all-in-all it was a good night.

the heart wants what it wants

i am really longing for a bedroom with grey walls and stark white trim. i think it would look awesome with my re-finished black painted wood furniture and my all white bedding with lime and turq accent pillows and i hate that the trim is oak here and cannot be painted.

can't you just see me luxioriating in all this grey and white decadence? i can.

one thing i learned from hollywood

so i get told alot that i look like famous people. the most common are


jude law


joel mchale



jim parsons


ryan seacrest

and what i have learned from these comparisons is:
i must have a giant forehead.

i won an emmy ... sort of.

congratulations to jim parsons from nbc's big bang theory on winning an emmy for his portrayal of sheldon cooper. my stepmother seems to think that we are twins seperated at birth. that we look and sound alike, have matched delivery and mannerisms and are basically the same person. whenever she watches this show she tells me she loves it, that sheldon is her favorite, but thinks i would be better at the part. it makes me laugh. but in some weird way, i feel connected to his emmy win tonight because of this. so, congratulations jim, and me.

for sanity's sake

it must be done. when i own a home, i will need to be sure that there is an extra bedroom adjacent to mine with accessability through either my bedroom or my master bath that serves as a dressing chamber. i have way too many clothes and a styling and re-styling habit that makes it impossible to combine a bedroom with a dressing area. these spaces need to be kept seperated. and if laundry can be contained with-in this room, all the better.

i have a weak stomach

ok. i normally admire bravo! tv for taking people who you would actually hate and exploiting them for reality tv purposes resulting in you ending up finding something about them to like. examples, all of the real housewives shows, and that guy jeff and his co-star- his lip injections- on flipping out. however, there is one instance where bravo! tv missed the mark. and that instance is rachel zoe (pronounced ZO as opposed to ZO-EE' like anyone with a brain and the resource of literacy would pronounce it).
rachel zoe's "purpose" in life is to style celebrities for red carpet events. huge WTF here because this joke-of-a-human always looks a mess. sorry, life, but i won't let a hair stylist who has bad hair touch my lockes, i won't let a mechanic who drives a ghetto-blaster work on my car, and wouldn't let someone who always looks as rough and unkempt as rachel zoe dress me ... ever. so how did she get this job? i guess the answer is "it's hollywood." i mean, mel gibson still works in a town almost entirely run by jewish moguls.
lets journey to the land of buzz words. now, i love a good buzz word. when paris hilton tried to copyright the word hot i was in heaven. the only good thing that came from christian ciriano (sp?) is the word ferosh (fah' rowsh). and as much as i think mia michaels is a total pilltard, i live for her saying a dance was gorgois (gore' zwahh). but rachel zoe's buzz words give me full-on crabs-of-the-soul. case and point: 'major.' everything good is described as major. this is major, that is major. hey rachel zoe, you're a moron. and also whenever you say ' i die!' i wish you just would already and open up your time slot on bravo! to something worthwhile.
and this is a special message to rachel zoe's -wife- i mean husband, rodger, grow a pair. first of all, the idea of you being sexually attracted to women is laughable. please continue to shoot scenes with 'your boys' (who are you? 1997's marky-mark?), aka your gays, where you all pretend to be watching and understanding a football game. next, if it upsets you so much that your wife neglects you for her work, blah, blah, wah, then either put your stiletto clad foot down, or leave her annoying ass already so you and brad (rachel zoe's big gay assistant) can finally live the truth of your manlove.
speaking of brad, it is so awesome to watch him secretly find rachel to be a total waste of humanity and pretend to care about her inane rambling. in fact every now and again he will say something is major with a twinge of disgust and loathing in his voice, as though he can feel himself selling his soul. he says "oh, that is so major" but what he means is "sign my big fat paycheck, skeletor. i'm getting famous."
i'd love to keep this rant going, but the rachel zoe project is about to come on on bravo. that's a joke, minions.

lunch

i'm hungry. can you please get in my stomach delicious tomato and mozzerella salad? mmmmmmm.

dames

i really enjoy the vintage ad artwork by c. gesmar. his work mostly was really cool 'portraits' of headlining women at the moulin rouge in paris from about 1918 through the 1930s. i have 'doriane' as pictured below hung in my room as a wonderfully oversized piece above my night stand and i would like to get her some friends from gesmar's body of work.

isn't she a beaute? in addition to getting her some friends of her own genre, i was thinking it might be cool to hang a few vintage budoir shots near by to juxtapose the fantasy with the reality. i found these broads, pictured below, online and was thinking of having them printed and framed to keep the watercolor ladies company.


and then who doesn't want a vintage pic of a kid in a paper moon with a gun?


thoughts?

gimme!!!!

so, i need a few things to get ready for fall. among them are the following items. if anyone out there in cyberworld wants to get me presents, start with these- thanks and please.

fitted plaid shirt with military styling

great v-neck sweater

super soft blue zip front hoodie

super cool black vintage looking belt

embarrassed to admit

ok, so i am embarrassed to admit it, but i really want a pair of high top sneakers. ya know? like all the kids are wearing these days. i know i could rock the look. but i can't help but feel weird about having something in common with justin beiber. although i will go up in my 9 year old neice's estimation for having anything to do with justin beiber, beiber fever, or beiberesqueness.
in any event, i will be shopping for these presently and will own a pair soon. as for now, i am in eenie meenie miney mo love with all of the following.

i feel fall about to happen.

i feel fall about to happen. the air is changing. the length and quality of daylight is changing. what's next are the leaves gonna change colors and fall from the trees?! oh, wait. that is what happens next. anyway. i am both sad to see summer go because i love it and it was a pretty good summer for me. and for that part of myself, i offer the pool below. isn't it delightful? i just wanna be there always. perhaps sitting poolside with jay gatsby and daisy in a world so perfect even its imperfections are romantic and intriguing.


but i am equally happy to see fall come because it is my most favorite season. a lot of people think of spring as the season of rebirth and new beginnings. i think of fall in this way. its sort of like wiping the slate clean and starting over. and the clothes. can we even talk about the clothes? that's the best part. layers are my fav and this is where it all begins. and for that part of myself i offer this prada camel trench. bliss. although the sleeves need serious tailoring.
anyway, enjoy.

its almost like being awake.

so i can't sleep tonight. i've tried everything. its just not in the cards. but its not like i'm functioning and fully awake, bright eyed and bushy tailed. i'm just not asleep. which is even more rage-enducing. at least if i was unable to sleep because i was doing some great thinking or reorganizing my whole wardrobe i'd feel productive. but i'm just not asleep.
the best way i can describe this type of awake is that it is sort of like having a muscle spasm in my brain. i lay here waiting for sleep to come and just as it arrives =zz= my brain reactivates with nothing special to think about or remind me to do. it just won't shut down for the night.
so now i have propped myself up and decided its time to make this unrest productive by thinking and blogging about the following:
so, lately i feel i've been standing on the presupice of something great. i'm not sure what it is but i'm preparing myself. things are just lining up in an oddly neat manner and it seems they must be pointing toward something.
change of topic. this will be left vague, but i have a feeling two of my friends will be able to read this cryptic type and understand as if they were in my head thinking this for themselves. it is no secret that i am a person who does not hide or mask my feelings or emotions. this can be good and bad. but one thing i learned during my parents divorce was that it does no one any goood to lie or or disguise truth. and that is a direct comment on having strong and open lines of communication in every relationship you value - family, partner, friend, co-worker. no matter. i also learned that its not a good thing to eat doritos and sit on the couch while my parents were divorcing, but those 75 pounds will be discussed another time. ok- so, sometimes things happen in life that you know will lead to inexplicable amounts of happiness in the future. you may not know the date said happiness will begin or even a ball park estimate, but you know it will be. i've got that right now. and that constant knowledge of forthcoming happiness is awesome. however it comes at the price of knowing there will be considerable challenge and pain to achieve the happiness; as with all good things there is a price to pay. at present, there is a hint of that pain sort of constantly nagging at me, letting me know its gonna happen. it's like a bad joint. it hurts, you get used to living with that pain at all times so much so you almost don't notice it anymore but at least once a day you feel it full out and it steals your breath. thats where i'm at right now. even though i haven't really met even one big painful obstacle yet, i can feel it a little bit all the time. but the pain is sort of good. it makes me know i'm feeling - i can feel it. which is good because if you can feel the pain then you can feel all the good as well. and the best part is at least once a day i get a little shot of the delight that opposes the pain. and that little taste is enough to make the pain worth dealing with. so i've come to love the pain. it's a reminder of the delight that relieves it.
and the best part is i know - i don't know how i know, but i know- that the delight will eventually be the norm. i have total faith in this and it makes everyday a little better.
so with this realization i have developed a little saying to keep the inspiration up: "every reward starts with a challenge. meet your challenge eye to eye. make your challenge your friend. after all, your challenge holds the key to your reward so it can't be all bad."

deal.

ok. so i'm bad at doing this regularly. deal. new stuff since last i left you. my birthday weekend in february got snowed out. so it was rescheduled two weeks later to the end of february. fail. i hate snow ... in fact winter entirely except i like layering clothes. other than that it stinks. but thanks to those who came out to celebrate and donned wild wild west accessories in public to help me have fun.
march was what march always is - dullsville. not much to mention. march is my least favorite month of the year. it's not spring, but it seems like winter should be over. the best part about march was that katharyn made a lot of great appearances over spring break.
april was pretty good. my mom, who can't drive, bought herself a brand new car. sort of odd. but whatever. after lots of invitations, i finally got to go see my friend lauren's (not so new anymore) apartment. fun.
have had lots of laughs with my bestie aubre over the past few weeks. they are usually inappropriate or childish and we couldn't love that anymore. most recently our chuckles have come from inaccurate celebrity look-a-like creators on line (me, christina applegate/ aubs, joan cusack!!!!) and the entire population of a hippie-fest earth day (on the wrong day) flea market / street fair - most notably the one-africa singer whose accent kept mutating to one from different lands. priceless.
if your not following brothers and sisters and glee we can't be friends. stop reading blog immediately and go catch up on-line.
done for now.

hello old friend, it's me, blog.

ok, let's not beat around the bush. i've been very neglectful of my blog. it's not that i don't love you blog. but life has been really busy. but i will admit, four months is too long. so here's the long and the short of it. september was september. october was nice. halloween crept up on me and i had no time to build the la carlotta costume i wanted so i pulled together a bunch of costume pieces i had to make this fantastic willy wonka. but at the last minute it was unseasonably hot and rainy. so i grabbed some fabric i had and whipped up a pretty stellar caesar costume 20 minutes before leaving. casey and i had a terrific time and she got so crunk she couldn't wear her shoes so i lent her mine and i went barefoot. she then ripped a full mum out of a window box in center city and carried it with her to the diner we went to so she could 'sober up.' she completes me. november was hectic. i was a cast addition to the christmas show at the broadway theatre. while i hate holiday shows, they are so generous with tthe use of their space to the miss liberty pageant, i really couldn't say no when asked. and despite my initial trepidation, i had a blast and met some wonderful new friends. most memorable experiance was the blizzard of 2009 that postponed one performance and sufficiently stranded me in laurie's attic in mannyunk with some delightful chums. it was like we were the franks hiding from the germans but with pizza and internet access. also, i finally saw all of zoolander that weekend and fancy myself something of a 'blue steel' officionado now. don't hate.
five minutes into christmas show rehearsal i found out i was cast in singin' in the rain at the broadway and would be reprising my role of 'production tenor' from 2002 at three little bakers. psyched. i love that role. bad news, not enough guys in the cast for me to just cameo so i have to tap dance. now for those of you who don't know, i'm not really a tap dancer. so doing it in front of 1100 hundred paying costumers sort of gives me a panic attack. but ya know what? i'm writing this after my third performance of the show and i'm really holding my own. in fact, next weekend i'm being moved to the front of the formation by the choreographer! sort of proud of overcoming that fear.
i have also met some really awesome people doing this show and am also insanely happy and feel very blessed to be working with my friend ted in the same cast for the first time and am really pleased that this affords us the opportunity to become closer friends. as well as finally meeting/ falling in friendship love with his lovely girlfriend samantha (she's our lina lamont and is fantastic). also big ups to ted for learning a boatload of tap-ography to play don, because he was in the same tap boat as me, but is totally looking like a lifelong tapper.
At the same time as the christmas show and rehearsing singin', it was time for my most favorite event of the year - the miss liberty pageant. miss liberty was held january 3 and it was pretty much a flawless evening and i received many compliments, which is awesome. but even better, my new miss liberty is katharyn nicolle. k-dizzle was miss new jersey's outstanding teen in 2008. she is super intellegent, overly talented (pointe ballerina), drop dead gorgeous, and just an all around nice girl ... and she drives a convertible so having her as my girl is a match made in heaven. i can't wait to go to miss new jersey with her this june. look out ashley shaffer, we're coming after your job!!!! no worries though ashshaf, cos you'll have had to pass it on to katie hope by then cos you'll have won miss america by then ... hopefully!
ok. this is really long, but now your up to speed. i'll try to be better at this now.